so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
