i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
