I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How's work?
Spinning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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