Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
