I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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