And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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