I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
