Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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