i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
