im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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