If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
