If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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