Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
