home. puking in laundry basket.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
