i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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