My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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