All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
