dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
