Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
