You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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