She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
