Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
