Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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