I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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