No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
