at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
