it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
