Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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