My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
