come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
