I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
