whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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