sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
