don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
