I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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