Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
