new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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