mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
