It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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