if i can run in heels then i can drive
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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