Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
