Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
