Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
