Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
