it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
