ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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