my vag is so smooth its legendary
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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