How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
