i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
