Swine flu. Run for my life!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
