the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
