i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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